Dealing with suicide

Death is always difficult. Even more so when it's a suicidal death, as it is compounded by confusion and sometimes, even anger. If you are experiencing suicidal feelings, are grieving the loss of someone you loved, or you know someone who is, please read on to find out what you can do to help yourself or your loved one.

The first thing you need to realize is that suicide is not about wanting to die. It’s about wanting the pain to stop. It’s desperation reaching out its hand and begging for release from life’s torments. It’s a desire for freedom from a pain that is so overwhelming that you feel utterly hopeless and helpless.

Suicidal Tendencies can be linked to the following:

· Severe depression

· Loss of a loved one and can’t bear to go on without that person

· Major changes that are overwhelming (especially with teenagers and seniors)

· Use and abuse of alcohol or drugs

· Mental illness

· Severe physical conditions that are overwhelming or hopeless

· Traumatic events (rape, kidnapping, mugging, etc.)

The Signs of a Suicidal Person:

· Depression

· Acts of behavior that are out of character (becoming reckless or acting out)

· Lack of sleep

· Loss of appetite

· Self neglect (appearance and hygiene)

· Lack of motivation – become very apathetic

· Surges of anger/rage

· Illness increases (more colds, headaches, stomach pain, etc.)

· Unable to concentrate

· Unable to make decisions

· Lack of interest in social activities or intervention with people/friends/family (withdrawal and isolation)

· Expressed bouts of helplessness, hopelessness, feeling like a failure and desperation

· Sudden changes in attitude (i.e. sadness to elation)

· When someone starts cleaning up (i.e. room is cleaned, everything is put into order)

· Creating a will or taking out Life Insurance

· Giving away possessions with specific meaning

· Saying goodbyes or sharing final wishes

· Expressing a wish to die or commit suicide

**Keep in mind that each of these can be a common occurrence in a person’s life – but if you see more than one of these signs in a person, it’s not common.

What you can do

If you are feeling suicidal…

· You are not alone

· There is no reason to feel ashamed of your feelings

· Tell someone that you trust – you need the support of another person to help you through this difficult time. You are not lacking courage when you do this – you are showing it.

· Call a suicidal crisis line – these people are trained and most have felt some of what you are going through

· Go to your doctor – it may partly be due to a medical issue that requires some medication to help get you through

· Allow yourself to grieve

· Give yourself credit that you’re still here – you can beat this

· Take one day at a time – focus on each step that you take. You can get through this

If you know someone who may be suicidal…

· Try talking to them and get them to talk about their feelings and open up with you

· Find a safe place where the person will feel comfortable to talk to you

· Take them seriously – it may seem like they just want your attention (which they most likely do) but they have a reason for it.

· Don’t give advice – just listen. They need to feel support and encouragement.

· Don’t judge the person – you have no idea what it is like to be in their situation.

· Ask the person if he/she has a plan for killing him/herself

· Do not say ‘should’ – that is a guilt word and will only increase the person’s feelings of failure because they ‘couldn’t do what you suggested

· Ask if they are willing to go to their doctor (suggest that you could go with them for moral support)

· Set up a plan for the next few days – help them get help (from parents, doctors, teachers, counselors, suicidal help-line, etc.)

· Be available to that person and call to check in on them, reminding them that you are there for them

· If they refuse your help, call a professional. Do not assume that the person will ‘figure it out eventually’. The person needs help.

Facts on Suicide

“The World Health Organisation (WHO), in conjunction with Harvard and the World Bank, estimated in 1997 that each year, some 786 000 people commit suicide around the world. This is an effective suicide rate of around 10.7 per 100 000 population per year. Note that this statistic ignores gender; generally the female suicide rate is significantly lower.”

(fact from "suicide @ rochford.org - suicide information and education")

“In a recent study on the long-term impact of child abuse, adult women who said they were physically or emotionally abused as children were more likely to have mental problems, suffer from depression and to have attempted suicide.”

(fact from Mullen, P.E., et. al., "The Long-term Impact of the Physical, Emotional, and Sexual Abuse of Children: A Community Study," Child Abuse & Neglect, Vol. 20, No. 1, pp. 7-21, 1996 (Pergamon))

“Suicide is the eighth leading cause of death for all persons regardless of age, sex or race; the third leading cause of death for young people aged 15 to 24; and the fourth leading cause of death for persons between the ages of 10 and 14.”

(fact from Friday, J.C., Ph.D., "The Psychological Impact of Violence in Underserved Communities," Journal of Health Care for the Poor and Underserved, Vol. 6, No. 4, 1995, pp. 403-409.